Excuse me while I suppress a snarflegiggle..
***snarflegiggle***
oops.
“As conspiracy theories swirled around the murder of Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich, lobbyist Jack Burkman took the unusual step of launching his own private investigation. A man with military and security experience stepped up to help.
Now Burkman alleges that man, Kevin Doherty, nearly killed him.”
Burkman, who also raised money for Rick Gates and has protested Gay players in the NFL on his RWNJ radio show, employed Doherty briefly, until Doherty started talking to reporters and trying to muscle in on his gig.
Then he fired him.
Thinking that was that, Burkman next offered a bounty of 25 grand for info about any monkey business in the Dems 2016 campaign.
He got an email from a self described “senior FBI official” who claimed to have dirt on Andrew McCabe.
His wife, who is apparently a somewhat normal person, cautioned Burkman that he couldn’t be sure of 007’s identity.
But Burkman, thinking he was in an episode of “The Americans”, set up a document drop at a local Marriott Parking garage. When he bent over to take the evidence, supposedly a purloined copy of the yet to be released IG report on McCabe, from beneath a prearranged stash under a parking cone…
“Burkman bent over to pull the papers out from under the cone, he was shot in the buttocks and thigh. As he ran out of the garage with his dachshund in his arms, he was hit by an SUV.
It looked like he was coming to kill me,” Burkman said. But he said a woman watching from a window of the hotel screamed. A guard came running and the SUV sped off, Burkman said.
Burkman spent three days in the hospital. His dog, Jack Jr., was uninjured.”
“As he ran out of the garage with his dachshund in his arms, he was hit by an SUV.”
God help me... I know I’m not supposed to…. hide me if you must…
Bwahahahahaha...