'TwasThe Right Before Christmas
'Twas the right before Christmas, and all through the land
drumpf staffers and goners weren't feelin' so grand;
Their Gmail was checked on each hour with great care,
In hopes that court papers had not shown up there;
But lies were rehearsed and all fresh in their heads,
Fashioned to clear them and throw off the feds;
So, longing for sleep, and with a bracing nightcap,
They all settled down for a long winter's nap,
When from their laptops arose such a chatter,
They sprang from sleep to see what was the matter.
Away to their 'puters they flew, drinks in grasp,
Opened their inboxes and coughed out a loud gasp.
Like moonlight glinting on a failing shit-show
Their Gmail opened the summons lying below.
Then, appearing to their red eyes in a blitz,
An angry Bobby Three sticks holding eight tiny writs.
That tall rangy lawyer, dour as the dark Styx,
His eyes drilled into them... they were in a tight fix.
More rapid than drones his subpoenas they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Serve Kushner! Now, Jr! Now, Bannon! Serve Kelly Conway!
“Serve Rudy! Now Priebus! Now, Kelly! Can we serve Tom Delay?
Get your ass in yon dock! Or it's chains for you all!
Now sing away! Sing away! Sing away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
To the top of the shit-pile the subpoenas they flew,
With a brace of lawyers, and St. Mueller too.
And then, in a twinkling, they were in a court.
And telling and retelling each broken tort.
But as Muller was nodding, and was turning around,
Down the chimney, enraged, drumpf came with abound.
With Nunes and Paul Ryan both kissing his ass,
drumpf proceeded to object, called a witness from TASS;
A bundle of bribes he had slung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they reddened! His ass how it sagged!
Cheeks like orange pumice, like a luffa's been fragged!
His tiny hands gesticulated as he pled,
But the entire court knew he was good as dead.
An ember of the Constitution held tight in his teeth,
And smoke from it encircled his head like a wreath;
The rest he had swallowed into his loathsome belly,
That shook, when he whimpered, like a bowlful of jelly.
The judge was decided and ordered him cuffed.
When Nunes sobbed Mueller bade him get stuffed;
In a wink of an eye drumpf was led off to Rikers,
And the Army was tasked to rounding up his Twitter likers.
St. Mueller said nothing, just packed his valise,
He had filled all our stockings; and took out the sleaze,
Laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, out the doorway he strode;
He sprang to his limo, gave his team a loud cheer,
And away they flew to Tosca for Stoccafisso alla ligure.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!