In a interview this morning on "Fox and Friends" Former House Speaker and Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich was informed by what appeared to be a slightly drunken Brian Kilmeade that he had just this morning learned, from an aged Irish aunt, to his horror, that President Obama's maternal great-great-great grandfather Fulmoth Kearney immigrated to New York City from the village of Moneygall smack in the green beating heart of Ireland on the border of County Tipperary in 1850. Kilmeade was near tears as he recounted the conversation with his Aunt Ercie.
"People will tell you that Fulmoth Kearney immigrated because of the poppie famine but the truth was that Fulmoth was a right 'andsome bucko and yer great-great-great grandmother Collen was a bit of a boer herself Brian. One evening comin''ome from the Pub yer great-great-great-great grandfather Colin heard a ruckus behind the peat pile and discovered Fulmouth on top of Coleen with his cacks to his knees making a right hash of her box! Now Colin was no boyo, Brian, he heaved Fulmoth about like a feather pillow until the lad managed his escape, pulling up his cacks and didn't stop running 'til he reached Ellis Island. Nine months later yer great-great Grandmother Helen was born."