Alexandra Petri at The Washington Post had a bit of fun to day leaking an imaginary itinerary of faux protests that Vice Resident Mike Pence will stage in the coming months to placate drumpf’s unlettered base in lieu of...you know...real accomplishment.
I can only use some, of course, and some aren’t half bad, but I think if we put our heads together we can add to her list rather hilariously.
“Take Secret Service detail 80 miles out of the way to glower at a yard sign that says “No Matter Where You’re From, I’m Glad You’re My Neighbor.”
Fly 300 miles out of his way to stand, remove his hat and applaud a wedding cake that has a man and a woman on top of it.
Fly 800 miles out of his way to stand at the door of a pharmacy and swat contraceptives out of people’s hands.
Make a big deal on social media about how excited he is to go to a pool and relax all afternoon. Instantly turn around in indignation because of what the women are wearing. Fly to California for a previously scheduled event.”
O.K., O.K.
Maybe comedy’s just not Alexandra’s thing. But you must admit I didn’t oversell it.
I have a few and I bet you do too…
1. Call in the executives of the major television networks and demand that they do not film any more scenes in which a woman, or a group of women, is alone on the screen. Insist that snuff dipping unemployed coal miners from West Virginia draped in American flags be hired as extras in any scene in which a woman is to appear alone - to glower at men in the television audience lest they fall prey to impure thoughts. When they refuse have drumpf tweet out that he is considering pulling their FCC licences until compliance is met.
2. Appear on the Jimmy Kimmel show and demand that ABC hire Tim Allen as his Co-Host and that Cleto and the Cletones be replaced by The Charlie Daniels Band. When they refuse walk off the stage and ceremoniously burn a stack of ”Laverne and Shirley” DVD’s in the parking while projecting episodes of Combat! on the side of the studio building.
3. Go to an NBA game and insist the players sing the third verse of the Star Spangled Banner as a Confederate Flag is lowered from the rafters and drumpf stands at center court in George F. Scott’s “Patton” Uniform slapping Kathy Griffin. When they refuse, fly to a fundraiser in Mississippi.
Your turn.