April 15, 1803:
An Open Letter to First Counsel Napoleone di Buonaparte and The French Senat:
It has come to our attention by carrier pigeon that in your negotiations with our government that you may not fully understand our constitutional system. Thus, we are writing to bring to your attention two features of our Constitution—the power to make binding international agreements and the different character of federal offices—which you should seriously consider as negotiations progress.
First, under our Constitution, while the president negotiates international agreements, Congress plays the significant role of ratifying them. In the case of a treaty, the Senate must ratify it by a two-thirds vote. A so-called congressional-executive agreement requires a majority vote in both the House and the Senate (which, because of procedural rules, effectively means a three-fifths vote in the Senate). Anything not approved by Congress is a mere executive agreement.
Second, the offices of our Constitution have different characteristics. For example, the president may serve only two 4-year terms, whereas senators may serve an unlimited number of 6-year terms. As applied by custom today, for instance, President Jefferson will leave office at the latest in March 1809, while most of us will remain in office well beyond then—perhaps decades.
What these two constitutional provisions mean is that we will consider any agreement regarding the sale of the Louisiana territory that is not approved by the Congress as nothing more than an executive agreement between President Poopyhead Jefferson and Napoleone di Buonaparte. The next Federalist president could revoke such an executive agreement with the stroke of a quill and future Congresses could modify the terms of the agreement at any time.
In light of this might we suggest that instead of accepting a paltry 15 million dollars for this vast territory that you merely wait for the election of a Federalist President at which time we, the undersigned Federalist Senators, will agree to cede to France, er, gratis if you will, those portions of our Northwest Territories that bound the Great Lakes which would be of great tactical advantage in your never ending wars with Great Britain. Sweet, Huh?
Sincerely,
Senator Tom Cotton (F)
James Hillhouse (F)
Uriah Tracy (F)
William H. Wells (F)
James A. Bayard (F)
Timothy Pickering (F)
John Quincy Adams (F)
Simeon Olcott (F)
William Plumer (F)
Jonathan Dayton (F)
(more beneath yon roiling orange cloud of sedition...)
