HuffPo snagged an exclusive with a Galápagos Tortoise about errant bloggers (including myself) who have commented on his resemblance to the face of Republican evil, Mitch McConnell, and boy, is he pissed.
“We would never do something as heinous and shameless as propose the AHCA” Eduardo bellowed from his 487 pound shell. “I mean, yeah, you mother fuckers used to eat us in a stew all the time, and we still wouldn’t propose that bill. Did you read that thing? Being a woman is now a preexisting condition!”
The bill may cause up to 15 million people to lose healthcare over the next ten years. Upon finishing gnawing on a head of lettuce, Mr. Cortez continued “It’s just cruel. In all my hundred and fifty years observing American politics, I cannot think of a more blatant example of hurting citizens to appease donors.”
Turkey vultures, which McConnell is also often compared to, were not available for comment.”
Looks like we’re gonna hafta find a less PR minded species to compare McConnell to…
I think I might have a good suggestion.
Meet the Meiolaniid or horned turtle…
that died out in Australia some 50,000 years ago.
Not only does it have the requisite horns need to make it a perfect match for the kleptocrat from Kentucky, it has the added advantage of being extinct, and so not as likely to shy from the odious association; and it is thought to have passed from the world due to climate change… a nice touch of irony.
Might as well chuckle...