The insanely funny Amy Zimmerman starts her review of Toby Keith’s Riyadh Rodeo by wondering why, out of the profusion of idiot Country Western bathetic balladeers with two first names, would drumpf pick Toby Keith, a man who has plumbed the bottom of his genre and emerged with only Hank Jr’s long lost bourbon goggles, to represent the good ole USA.
She then answers her own question:
“Unlike the majority of Toby Keith concerts, which take place at county fairs or un-bookable inaugurations, this performance will occur in the Saudi capital of Riyadh. The historic nature of the event—the kingdom has only recently begun to support a select roster of entertainment events and concerts—only makes the sub-par talent more disappointing. It’s depressing enough if a Toby Keith concert is the most fun thing you have planned all weekend—imagine if it’s the most exciting event you’ll be attending all year. According to Saudi entertainment website Lammt, which is promoting the show, the concert will require a formal dress code and will be free of charge. Imagine flying 6,000 miles to Saudi Arabia to play a free concert. Imagine that you live in an ultraconservative society where live shows are few and far between, but you still aren’t willing to pay actual money to see Toby Keith….”
...he comes cheap.
She continues, exploring the seemed contradiction of headlining a drunken Muslim basher in such proximity to Islam’s Holy of Holies (in typical Trumpian Mash-uppery) :
“It’s hard to pick out the single funniest aspect of this pork-free sausage fest. On the one hand, there’s the undeniable clash between Saudi Arabian values and the Oklahoma born and raised Toby Keith. It’s not just that Keith wrote a vengeance song about 9/11, “Courtesy Of The Red, White, And Blue (The Angry American).” It’s that when he’s not singing about how “justice will be served and the battle will rage,” he’s singing about getting blackout drunk. Almost every Toby Keith song—“Red Solo Cup,”“Whiskey Girl,” and “I Love This Bar,” to name just a few—is about drinking. Then there’s the greatest, stupidest Toby Keith song title of all, “Beer for My Horses.” Or as Mike Pence calls it, foreplay.”
Amy ponders the profundity of lyrics from Keith oeuvre;
“Now red solo cup is the best receptacle /
From barbecues, tailgates, fairs and festivals /
And you sir do not have a pair of testicles /
If you prefer drinkin’ from glass”
and recounts his feud with Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks, before ending with one thing she can be thankful for in drumpf’s continued Rolling Crap Waddle Review through the Abrahamic religions:
“So to summarize: Saudi Arabia is pulling out all the stops for Trump’s visit, and America is repaying this hospitality by subjecting a Saudi audience to our country’s second-most famous Toby. On the other hand, the strict rules surrounding gender segregation ensure that not one woman will be forced against her will to attend this Toby Keith concert, which is more than you can say for America.”
Amen, Amy, Amen.